Relationship Virgins: 11 Common Misconceptions About People Who Have Never Been Tied Down
In this day and age, it’s fairly uncommon to be a perpetually single relationship virgin. In an era of easy hook-ups, most people find themselves, at one point or another, in a relationship that may or may not last.
Generally, when relationship virgins first confess that nope, they have not been tied down, a sense of disbelief permeates the audience.
It’s very easy to try and deduce why and how they’ve gotten so far in life sans ball and chain, but rest assured, many of the offensive misconceptions are going to make you feel awful once you get to know this demographic of people better.
1. To start, we do exist.
Speaking as a relationship virgin myself, and knowing at least a few others who share the rare status, I can confirm that we do indeed exist.
2. We’re not all single because we have unattainable standards.
Perhaps the most aggravating assumption that non-relationship virgins make is that if you’ve been perpetually single your entire life, you’re high maintenance with ridiculous standards. False, in fact, it’s quite the contrary.
Many of us might be selective, which is why we don’t take as many chances as those who flourish in the dating scene. However, while many of us might be a bit guarded, we take chances on people who sometimes take advantage of our affection.
3. Just because we haven’t been in an “official relationship,” doesn’t mean we’ve never been hurt.
Was there a guy who never called again, or a girl who chased you forever and the second you let your guard down and took a chance, she vanished into thin air?
Just because we haven’t had the title, doesn’t mean we haven’t been emotionally invested. You don’t need a title to have your feelings hurt by someone, and sometimes we get involved with people who know us very well. These betrayals tend to feel the most traumatic.
4. Many of us don’t exist in the single world solely to sleep around.
My idea of sleeping around is lying a different way in my bed — tossing and turning as I please is a beautiful thing. Sure, plenty of relationship virgins like to sleep around, but not all of us do.
There’s really no judgment either way, but rather than making potentially incorrect assumptions, make sure you get to know a relationship virgin first.
5. We hope the people we like are not intimidated by the idea of being the “first relationship.”
Of course, first relationships carry a certain weight. However, most of us have been in enough “relationships” in the truest sense of the word that we aren’t going to absolutely be a total train wreck.
Yes, some of us have trust issues — we’ve obviously never before been able to trust anyone completely and vulnerably — but we’re so excited about the prospect of being able to do so.
6. We’re not all commitment-phobic.
Believe it or not, our track records are not indicative of our capabilities. Plenty of relationship virgins have experienced monogamy; they just haven’t been “official” unions. Many of us may feel emotionally invested in someone and will be exclusive with this person — even without a label.
7. “Bad luck” or coincidence is frequently a factor.
Sometimes the stars just don’t align. Oftentimes, upon getting to know someone new, it just fizzles for no reason and doesn’t work out.
Sometimes you lose touch, or someone will get busy, or even move away. Call it luck or call it coincidence, but sometimes things just happen.
8. We don’t like it when you throw the inexperience in our faces.
“Well, how would you know? You’ve never been in a relationship.” Phrases like this will get our blood boiling. Not cool, not cool at all. Most of us have had our feelings hurt by someone with whom we were emotionally invested enough to understand what truly caring for someone else means.
Don’t treat us like being in a relationship is some prerequisite for being able to understand the complexities in matters of the heart.
9. Being perpetually single does not make us immature.
Maturity does not come from being in a relationship. Most relationship virgins have experienced heartache, have learned lessons in dating, and the fact that we’ve never had a significant other is completely irrelevant to our maturity levels.
Someone who bounces from toxic relationship to toxic relationship is likely significantly less mature than someone who has never settled for something less than desirable.
10. You should probably ask before trying to send us on a date with someone.
I hate, hate, hate it when people try to set me up. Oh, you have a friend I’d get along with well? Cool, bring the person around, but don’t act like you’re doing some huge charity to rescue me from my singleness.
I prefer to meet people organically, and so do many others. Of course, some people love to be set up — but, ask. Don’t give someone my phone number or social media information and expect me to be comfortable with it or interested. Simply asking will save everyone a lot of awkwardness.
11. Yes, we do get lonely.
Of course we get lonely! I find it so ridiculous when people ask me the, “but does it ever get lonely?” question. Even people in relationships feel lonely.
At the end of the day, we’re all in this world for ourselves, and while some might find companions along the way, we got here alone, and we’ll leave the same way. Relationship virgins are still just looking to find someone for the ride.