"I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating. In the pain, there is healing. In your name, I find meaning. So I'm holding on, I'm barely holding on to you..."
This would have to be the song in my heart right now. Yes, my heart is broken. :'( Awww. Ang arte ko lang. Haha!
Anyway, it's because of this. The man of my dreams or the man who I thought is my future husband has already found the woman of his dreams - and unfortunately, it's not me. :( I feel so sad, but surprisingly, I'm not crying. I want to cry and I'm forcing myself to cry but the tears just won't fall down, and I don't know why.
I think this is one of God's trial of my faith. Because honestly, I questioned Him as to why He put this desire in my heart. I really thought he was the one God wants for me. He was one of the reason why I became closer to God. Or maybe that's his purpose?
What makes me really sad is because I already planned my future with him in it. It's so pathetic but I already planned our wedding, our family, I even imagined myself waking up next to him, our travels, and everything. I already planned my future family with him as my husband.
I guess this is one lesson God wants me to learn - that many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is still the Lord's purpose that will prevail.
I am so sad right now. Really heavy heart. :( But I know God has a purpose for everything. I know everything will make perfect sense in His time. Who knows what the future holds, right?
I'm thankful that today is the last day of July. And so August will be a brand new start for me! I promise to focus on God more and to surrender everything to Him.
So to my not so future husband (CNON),
I want to thank you for pushing me closer to Christ even if you have no idea of any of this. I hope she is everything you've been praying for and I hope she will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Truly, I am happy for you from the bottom of my heart. :)